We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
