In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
