vagina is talking i cant
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
