I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
