She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
