OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
