No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
