He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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