I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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