i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
