hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize