C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize