Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
