I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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