someone owes me an orgasm
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
