FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
