she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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