That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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