I'm so fucking centered right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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