you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize