Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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