The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
