We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
