just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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