pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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