I love black thongs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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