you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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