My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
