She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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