I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
