I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
