i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize