If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
