If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
