i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
