Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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