So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
