Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
