I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize