I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
