Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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