I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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