Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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