She's JV to your varsity
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
