ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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