True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
