I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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