Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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