Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
