he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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