ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
