maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
