I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
