her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
