I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
