I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize