Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
