great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
