Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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