names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
