Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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