history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
