I just made out with a guy for $7.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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