I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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