i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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