Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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