i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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