Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
