my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
