OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
