is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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