I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
