i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
