I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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