So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
