i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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