I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
