first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
