you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
