dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
